Military Divorce Mediation
Your commander keeps urging you to “handle this quietly,” but your spouse’s lawyer is threatening scorched earth. Choosing between mediation and litigation in a California military divorce is not about being nice or nasty; it is about protecting benefits that federal law can revoke if the state judge checks the wrong box.
Mediation can wrap up custody and pension division in a single weekend, yet litigation may be the only path when the other side hides BAH income or demands full custody during your upcoming deployment. Knowing the tactical pros of each forum saves you from a settlement that looks peaceful today and bankrupts you tomorrow.
Mediation Perks Unique To Military Families
- Flexible scheduling around TDY or field exercises via Zoom
- Custom parenting plans that build in PCS moves and deployment cycles
- Private discussion of security clearance issues without public record
- Flat fee mediator who understands DFAS forms, avoiding surprise bills
- Faster final judgment, often within 90 days, so you can move on to new orders
Last fall we mediated an entire divorce for a Camp Pendleton staff sergeant in two four hour Zoom sessions while he was in predeployment training. The mediator, a retired JAG officer, drafted the pension order on the spot and both parties signed the marital settlement agreement that night. The court entered judgment two weeks later, allowing the Marine to focus on mission prep instead of courthouse drama.
When Litigation Becomes Mandatory
If your spouse denies the existence of a second checking account fed by flight pay, you need subpoena power that only litigation provides. Likewise, contested custody where the other parent wants to move the kids to another state requires formal evidence rules and a court reporter to protect your appellate rights.
Military pensions can also present complex questions such as hypothetical early retirement promotions that a mediator cannot decide without judicial precedent.
We recently tried a case where the wife argued her husband’s future promotion to O-6 should be excluded from community property because it happened after separation. The judge disagreed, and our client received 47 percent of the higher retirement grade, a result we could not have achieved in mediation because the other side refused to acknowledge the promotion was foreseeable.
Hybrid Approach: Mediate Then Litigate Narrow Issues
Often the smartest move is to mediate custody and support while reserving pension division for trial. This strategy keeps the children’s schedule private and cooperative while letting a judge rule on technical federal benefits. It also cuts legal fees because you are only fighting over one issue instead of ten.
And remember, anything you discuss in mediation remains confidential, so you can still litigate without the other side using settlement offers against you in court. We call it “med lit lite” and it works especially well for dual military couples who agree on everything except who keeps the SBP election.
Still unsure which road fits your facts? Schedule a free strategy call and we will run a decision tree based on your deployment timeline, asset complexity, and custody goals so you pick the forum that protects both your paycheck and your peace of mind.
