Top 5 Ways to Prepare for a Child Custody Evaluation

1. Be Honest About Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Evaluators are trained to detect deception. If you claim to be a perfect parent, they will know you are lying. Every parent has weaknesses. A parent who admits to struggling with patience but is working on it is more credible than a parent who claims never to lose their temper.

Be honest about your work schedule, your living situation, and your support network. If you work sixty hours per week, say so. The evaluator will find out anyway. If you live in a small apartment, say so. The evaluator will see it. Honesty builds credibility. Exaggeration destroys it.

We prepare clients by practicing answers to difficult questions. What are your weaknesses as a parent? How do you handle discipline? What would you change about your parenting if you could? The evaluator is not looking for perfection. They are looking for self awareness and a genuine commitment to the child’s wellbeing.

2. Focus on the Child, Not the Other Parent

The evaluator wants to know about your relationship with the child, not your grievances about the other parent. A parent who spends the entire interview complaining about their ex is missing the point. The evaluator is assessing your parenting, not adjudicating your divorce.

When asked about the other parent, be balanced. Acknowledge their strengths. Admit your own role in the conflict. A parent who says “we both made mistakes but I am focused on co parenting now” impresses the evaluator. A parent who says “the other parent is a monster and I am the only one who cares” raises concerns about parental alienation.

We advise clients to prepare a list of their child’s needs, interests, and routines. Talk about the child’s favorite subjects, their medical history, their friends, and their activities. Show the evaluator that you know the child intimately. That knowledge matters more than any accusation against the other parent.

3. Prepare Your Home for the Visit

The evaluator will visit your home. They want to see where the child will sleep, where they will do homework, and whether the environment is safe and nurturing. A clean, organized home with age appropriate toys and books sends a positive message. A cluttered, dirty home with no space for the child raises concerns.

You do not need to redecorate. You do need to show that you have thought about the child’s needs. The child should have their own bed or sleeping area. There should be space for homework and play. Medications and dangerous items should be secured. The refrigerator should have food.

For military parents, the evaluator may understand that base housing is small or that you are in temporary quarters. Be honest about your housing situation and explain your plans for providing a stable home. The evaluator evaluates the reality of your situation, not an idealized standard.

4. Bring Organized Documentation

Evaluators appreciate parents who come prepared. Bring a folder with the child’s medical records, school reports, extracurricular schedules, and any relevant court orders. Bring photos of you and the child together. Bring a calendar showing your involvement in the child’s activities.

The documentation should be organized and relevant. Do not bring a box of random papers. Do not bring angry letters from the other parent. Bring evidence that shows your consistent, positive involvement in the child’s life. The evaluator has limited time. Make it easy for them to see your strengths.

For service members, bring your deployment schedule, your current orders, and any documentation showing your efforts to stay in contact during absences. The evaluator needs to understand the demands of your service and how you manage them.

5. Do Not Coach the Child

Coaching is the worst thing you can do. Telling the child what to say, rehearsing answers, or bribing the child to say positive things about you backfires completely. Evaluators are trained to detect coached responses. Children who have been coached often say things that are too adult, too specific, or too rehearsed.

The evaluator will interview the child separately. They will ask open ended questions and observe the child’s body language. A child who has been coached may appear anxious, may recite memorized phrases, or may contradict themselves. The evaluator will note this and it will hurt your case significantly.

Let the child speak freely. Tell them to be honest and that there are no wrong answers. Reassure them that both parents love them and that the evaluator is just trying to understand the family. The child who speaks naturally and positively about both parents is the child who helps both parents’ cases.

The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney client relationship. Results vary based on specific circumstances, and past performance does not guarantee future outcomes.

Sources:

• Cornell Law School Legal Information Institute
• California Legislative Information