Top 5 Mistakes That Hurt Your Custody Case

1. Badmouthing the Other Parent in Front of the Child

This is the single worst thing you can do in a custody case. California courts view parental alienation as a serious problem. Under California Family Code § 3020, it is the policy of the state to ensure frequent and continuing contact with both parents. A parent who undermines that policy by disparaging the other parent is hurting their own case.

We see clients who think they are protecting the child by explaining why the other parent is bad. They are not. They are placing the child in the middle of an adult conflict. Children love both parents. When one parent forces them to choose, the child suffers. And when the court finds out, the offending parent suffers too.

Judges ask children in custody evaluations about what each parent says about the other. If the child reports that Mom calls Dad names or Dad says Mom is crazy, the court takes note. The parent who poisoned the relationship may lose custody or face restrictions. The parent who stayed silent and let the child form their own opinion usually wins.

2. Violating Court Orders

Temporary custody orders are binding. If the court ordered you to return the child at 6 PM on Sunday, return the child at 6 PM on Sunday. Not 7 PM. Not Monday morning. Not whenever you feel like it. Violating a court order shows the judge that you do not respect the court’s authority and that you will put your own wishes above the child’s stability.

We see parents withhold visitation because the other parent owes child support. This is illegal. Under California law, custody and support are separate issues. You cannot deny visitation because support is late. If you do, the court can modify custody against you, order makeup time, and impose sanctions.

The same applies to geographic restrictions. If the court ordered you not to move the child more than 50 miles from the other parent, do not enroll the child in a school 60 miles away. Do not take the child out of state without permission. These violations are contempt of court and can result in loss of custody.

3. Posting Inappropriate Content on Social Media

Social media is evidence. Every photo, every comment, every check in can be used against you in custody court. A parent who posts photos of partying, drinking, or drug use is handing the other parent a gift. A parent who posts angry rants about the ex is proving they cannot co parent effectively.

We advise clients to stop posting on social media entirely during custody proceedings. If you cannot resist, at least set everything to private and do not accept friend requests from people you do not know. Opposing counsel and private investigators monitor social media constantly. Assume everything you post will be shown to the judge.

Even innocent posts can be twisted. A photo of you holding a drink at a wedding becomes evidence of alcohol use. A comment about being stressed becomes evidence of emotional instability. The safest rule is silence. Let your lawyer do the talking.

4. Ignoring the Child’s Needs

Custody is about the child, not about you. Parents who miss doctor appointments, forget school events, or fail to help with homework are telling the court that they are not the primary caregiver. The court looks at who actually handles the day to day responsibilities of parenting.

We see parents who want custody for symbolic reasons. They want to win. They want to hurt the other parent. But they do not want to do the work of parenting. They miss parent teacher conferences. They do not know the child’s teacher’s name. They have never been to a pediatrician appointment. These facts come out in custody evaluations, and they destroy the parent’s case.

If you want custody, be involved. Know the child’s schedule. Attend appointments. Help with homework. Pack lunches. The parent who does the work is the parent who gets custody. The parent who wants a trophy gets supervised visitation.

5. Bringing a New Partner Into the Child’s Life Too Soon

Introducing a new romantic partner to the child during custody proceedings is risky. The court may view it as instability. The other parent will almost certainly object. And the child may be confused about the new relationship while still processing the separation.

California courts evaluate the child’s stability and emotional wellbeing. A revolving door of romantic partners does not demonstrate stability. Even if your new partner is wonderful, the timing matters. Wait until the custody order is final and the child has adjusted to the divorce before introducing new relationships.

If you already live with a new partner, the court will evaluate whether that living arrangement is in the child’s best interest. The court may consider the partner’s background, their relationship with the child, and whether the arrangement provides a stable home. But early in the proceedings, a new partner is almost always a liability.

The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney client relationship. Results vary based on specific circumstances, and past performance does not guarantee future outcomes.

Sources:

• Cornell Law School Legal Information Institute
• California Legislative Information